Stage setting: A tree in the center of the stage. Snow Wii (SW) enters and introduces herself.
SW: I am Snow Wii the twenty-seventh predecessor with inel platinium the eighth Nvidia GeForce the ninth last descendant of 256 rambus of the Nintendo Royal Family. Call me Snow Wii can liao lar.
The Dwarves (D) enter also and they dance around the tree with SW.
SW/Ds: La la la la la la la la….
Then, an alarm sounds.
D#1: Oh! Uh, we’d like to stay and do this…(pause) weird thing with you, but we must get to our job.
SW: You got jobs meh?
D#2: Ya lar! No one tell you meh? We fix Playstation one!
SW: Oh. Okay lor.
Ds exit stage. At the side of the stage, the evil witch (W) appears in a puff of smoke (sub confetti if smoke ain’t possible)
W: (coughs) I need a better way to travel la… He he he… Now is my chance! I have poisoned a durian and I’m going to make her eat it!
She brings out a ‘durian’ and walks towards SW.
W: Hello ah, little girl.
SW: Eh! Who are you?
W: I am Witch Mo Peng la! I come to give you something.
SW: What?
W: (holds up the ‘durian’) Durian lor.
SW: What is durian?
W: (points to durian) This la! Eat it, very nice one!
SW: No, don’t want. So smelly!
W: Eat!
SW: No!
W: Yes!
SW: No!
W: Yes!
SW: (louder, shouting) NO!!!!
W: (also shouting) YES!!!!
The two stare at each other for a few moments. Then…
SW: (after a pause) No.
W: (facepalms) EAT! (yells like a Red Indian and hits SW with the durian)
SW faints instantly. The witch laughs and throws the durian beside SW’s body.
W: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Suddenly the Ds enter. They see the body and the W.
D#1: Oi! What you do to her?
W: She pissed me off what, so I whack her lor!
D#2: We will not let you get away!
They produce swords out of nowhere and rush to attack the witch. Then, before they can hit her, the witch casts a spell with her staff/wand.
W: HIIIIIYAAAH!!!
Ds: AHHH!!!
All the Ds fall back, dead. Some of them begin to crawl slowly offstage, while others wake up and make a run for it. Seeing them escaping, the witch casts her spell again.
W: HIIIYAAAHH!!!
The Ds that were escaping go offstage and yell AAAAAH!!!
Random D: Aiyo, we dead already still want to kill?? (exits)
The witch laughs again and exits. Prince Pimp (P) drives onstage now in a cardboard car. Seeing SW blocking the ‘road’, he stops and gets out to investigate.
P: Oi! What is this ah? Block my way…
As he walks around SW’s body, he spies the durian.
P: Oh! A durian!
He eats the durian and keels backwards, ‘dead’. The witch comes onstage again still laughing. She trips over the P’s body and he spits out the durian seed. P stands up.
W: Hey, how come you’re alive huh? The durian is poison what!
P: I also dunno how come I’m alive. You ask the scriptwriter la! But now, you must die also!
P takes the durian and stuffs a seed into W’s mouth. She reacts, shocked.
W: NOOOOOOOO!!! (pause) Eh, actually quite nice le…
She helps herself to the durian and is poisoned badly.
W: Aiyah! I eat my own poisoned things for what? So stupid! (dies abruptly) (ALT: I’m MEEEELTIIIING!!! I’m MEEELTIIIING!)
The P now turns his attention to SW’s body.
P: What to do with her? I need to get on my way le..
He prods her gently.
P: Wake up..
No reaction. A thought comes to P.
P: Eh! I remember liao! Fairy tales say that the prince must kiss the princess right? (Addresses audience) Do you want me to kiss her?
(IF AUDIENCE SAYS YES: Ok, here goes…)
(IF AUDIENCE SAYS NO: Don’t care, I’ll kiss anyway.)
He leans in for the kiss… SW suddenly wakes up and sees P hanging over her. She jumps up in shock.
SW: EEEEEWWWW!!! Don’t want your kiss la! Get away from me!!! HEEEEELP! (She runs offstage)
P: (shrugs) Forget it then..
He gets in his car and drives away.
--END--
CHARACTER KEY:
SW: Snow Wii
W: Witch Mo Peng
Ds: Dwarves (or Giants)
P: Prince Pimp
wriiten by Justin Ang
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